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Jul. 7th, 2004 04:45 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
disneydream06Lots of funnies from my friend, Jim...
A cop was patrolling at night in a well-known spot for "parking." He
sees a
couple in a car, with the interior light on. As he gets closer to the
car,
he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine and a
young woman on the rear seat, knitting.
Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and
knocks on
the window. The young man lowers his window... "Yes, officer?"
"What are you doing?
"Well, isn't it obvious? I'm reading a magazine..."
Pointing towards the young woman, the cop says, "And her, what is she
doing?"
The young man shrugs, "I believe she's knitting a pullover..."
The cop is totally confused. A young couple alone in a car at night ... and
nothing obscene is happening!
"What's your age, young man?"
"I'm 25, sir..."
"And her, what's her age?" The young man looks at his watch and says,
"She'll be 18 in 20 minutes."
===============================================
One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota, a fire started inside the
local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive
flames
The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. When the
volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the Chemical company
president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are
in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will
give$50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."
But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.
Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation Became
desperate. As more firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer
was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's
secret files. Still no takers.
From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into
sight. It was the nearby Norwegian rural township volunteer fire company
composed mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65.
To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these
old Norwegians, passed all the newer sleek engines parked outside the
plant....and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.
Outside, the other firemen watched as the Norwegian old timers jumped off
and began to fight the fire with a performance and effort never seen before
Within a short time, the Norske old timers had extinguished the fire and
saved the secret formulas.
The grateful chemical company president joyfully announced that for such a
superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to
personally thank each of the brave, though elderly, Norske firefighters.
The local TV news reporters rushed in after capturing the event on film
asking, "What are you going to do with all that money?"
"Vell," said Ole Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, "da furst ting vedo is
fix da brakes on dat damm truck!"
=================================================
For those who love the philosophy of hypocrisy and ambiguity:
1. Don't sweat the petty things; pet the sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and
apes?
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad
girls live.
6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help
section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
8. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it
considered a hostage situation?
9. Is there another word for synonym?
10. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
11. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered
plant?
12. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
13. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
14. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will
clean them?
15. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
16. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
17. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to
remain silent?
18. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? (will
somebody please explain THIS ONE to me...)
19. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
20. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
21. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
22. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
23. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
24. How is it possible to have a civil war?
25. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
26. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
27. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
28. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have "S" in it?
29. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
30. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot them?
31. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
A cop was patrolling at night in a well-known spot for "parking." He
sees a
couple in a car, with the interior light on. As he gets closer to the
car,
he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine and a
young woman on the rear seat, knitting.
Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and
knocks on
the window. The young man lowers his window... "Yes, officer?"
"What are you doing?
"Well, isn't it obvious? I'm reading a magazine..."
Pointing towards the young woman, the cop says, "And her, what is she
doing?"
The young man shrugs, "I believe she's knitting a pullover..."
The cop is totally confused. A young couple alone in a car at night ... and
nothing obscene is happening!
"What's your age, young man?"
"I'm 25, sir..."
"And her, what's her age?" The young man looks at his watch and says,
"She'll be 18 in 20 minutes."
===============================================
One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota, a fire started inside the
local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive
flames
The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. When the
volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the Chemical company
president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are
in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will
give$50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."
But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.
Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation Became
desperate. As more firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer
was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's
secret files. Still no takers.
From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into
sight. It was the nearby Norwegian rural township volunteer fire company
composed mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65.
To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these
old Norwegians, passed all the newer sleek engines parked outside the
plant....and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.
Outside, the other firemen watched as the Norwegian old timers jumped off
and began to fight the fire with a performance and effort never seen before
Within a short time, the Norske old timers had extinguished the fire and
saved the secret formulas.
The grateful chemical company president joyfully announced that for such a
superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to
personally thank each of the brave, though elderly, Norske firefighters.
The local TV news reporters rushed in after capturing the event on film
asking, "What are you going to do with all that money?"
"Vell," said Ole Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, "da furst ting vedo is
fix da brakes on dat damm truck!"
=================================================
For those who love the philosophy of hypocrisy and ambiguity:
1. Don't sweat the petty things; pet the sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and
apes?
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad
girls live.
6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help
section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
8. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it
considered a hostage situation?
9. Is there another word for synonym?
10. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
11. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered
plant?
12. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
13. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
14. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will
clean them?
15. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
16. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
17. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to
remain silent?
18. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? (will
somebody please explain THIS ONE to me...)
19. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
20. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
21. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
22. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
23. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
24. How is it possible to have a civil war?
25. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
26. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
27. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
28. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have "S" in it?
29. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
30. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot them?
31. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
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no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 11:46 am (UTC)"She'll be 18 in 20 minutes." That wouldn't work here as the legal age is 16.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 01:35 pm (UTC)LOL