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In The News.....
Jun. 2nd, 2026 06:39 amReported information about Hitler 2.0's upcoming UFC White House battle.....
No fatties or poors allowed near Trump at White House cage fight
Apparently worried that enough people won’t show up for President Donald Trump’s big UFC birthday bash on June 14, the Pentagon is moving in the troops.
Well, some troops. Only the buff ones.
Remember how the big Ultimate Fighting Championship cage fight on the South Lawn of the White House grounds is supposed to be for the military somehow? And Trump pal and UFC head Dana White is such a good guy for setting aside free tix for the troops?
It does not appear that troops have been beating down the door for the opportunity to spend Flag Day with the visibly crumbling commander in chief. Or perhaps it is that the wrong ones have asked?
The Washington Post caught sight of an internal Air Force memo that explains who the right sort of troops are: To be eligible to attend, military personnel “MUST MEET CURRENT WAIST-HEIGHT RATIO,” and they must wear short-sleeve dress uniforms.
Okay, so no fatties. Got it. What else?
Yes, the man who is currently blowing millions in taxpayer dollars to slather D.C. in gold and mismatched shades of blue, the man who is personally worth over $1 billion more than he was just one year ago, wants the troops to pay their own way to come watch his dumb UFC fight on the White House lawn.
Ok. So no fatties, no poors. Got it. Anything else?
Yep. Trump wants the young folks. Per the Post, “officials are seeking junior enlisted personnel and junior officers specifically.”
So … independently wealthy junior troops? They’ll need to be, since annual base pay for junior enlisted troops comes in around $30,000 before housing stipends and incentives.
Now, we don’t know anymore how much the government really spends on anything thanks to the most “transparent” administration in history, but the UFC is throwing down $60 million for this tacky event and expects another $30 million from “corporate partners” ponying up for VIP packages. But somehow the troops have to open their own wallets if they want to witness the ass-whooping.
Presumably if Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth has his way, it won’t be just no fatties, but also no Blacks and no ladies and especially no Black ladies. Dude is basically a professional racist.
Human steroid Joe Rogan is mad that the fight will be outside because UFC fighters will be exposed to heat and bugs, but it isn’t like these are gonna be the bestest UFC fighters anyway.
To be fair, at least the UFC card still exists, which may not be the case much longer for the Freedom 250 concert lineup. By the time you read this, it might just be Vanilla Ice on repeat at the Great American State Fair.
Well, unless someone hits up Kid Rock. Couldn’t Mr. Rock, full of largesse in giving troops who were born years after his last hit some free tickets in order to prop up his failing tour, maybe pick up the tab for some of them to come to D.C.?
Here’s hoping this year’s birthday shindig will be as riveting as last year’s was for Dear Leader. Who can forget the rain-soaked, out-of-step marching and the squeaky tanks?
Trump loves military trappings, but he hates the troops. This sort of shabby treatment is really no surprise. Fingers crossed that the hot young rich Army guys just stay home.
We need a little geographic diversity, apparently.
“Commands are encouraged to identify and nominate personnel from installations and units outside the NCR (note: travel costs cannot be covered),” the memo said.
“NCR” is the national capital region—aka the Washington, D.C., area. So, commands need to identify only the height-weight proportionate types and make sure they come from all over to witness the spectacle—but they have to pay their own way.
No fatties or poors allowed near Trump at White House cage fight
Apparently worried that enough people won’t show up for President Donald Trump’s big UFC birthday bash on June 14, the Pentagon is moving in the troops.
Well, some troops. Only the buff ones.
Remember how the big Ultimate Fighting Championship cage fight on the South Lawn of the White House grounds is supposed to be for the military somehow? And Trump pal and UFC head Dana White is such a good guy for setting aside free tix for the troops?
It does not appear that troops have been beating down the door for the opportunity to spend Flag Day with the visibly crumbling commander in chief. Or perhaps it is that the wrong ones have asked?
The Washington Post caught sight of an internal Air Force memo that explains who the right sort of troops are: To be eligible to attend, military personnel “MUST MEET CURRENT WAIST-HEIGHT RATIO,” and they must wear short-sleeve dress uniforms.
Okay, so no fatties. Got it. What else?
Yes, the man who is currently blowing millions in taxpayer dollars to slather D.C. in gold and mismatched shades of blue, the man who is personally worth over $1 billion more than he was just one year ago, wants the troops to pay their own way to come watch his dumb UFC fight on the White House lawn.
Ok. So no fatties, no poors. Got it. Anything else?
Yep. Trump wants the young folks. Per the Post, “officials are seeking junior enlisted personnel and junior officers specifically.”
So … independently wealthy junior troops? They’ll need to be, since annual base pay for junior enlisted troops comes in around $30,000 before housing stipends and incentives.
Now, we don’t know anymore how much the government really spends on anything thanks to the most “transparent” administration in history, but the UFC is throwing down $60 million for this tacky event and expects another $30 million from “corporate partners” ponying up for VIP packages. But somehow the troops have to open their own wallets if they want to witness the ass-whooping.
Presumably if Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth has his way, it won’t be just no fatties, but also no Blacks and no ladies and especially no Black ladies. Dude is basically a professional racist.
Human steroid Joe Rogan is mad that the fight will be outside because UFC fighters will be exposed to heat and bugs, but it isn’t like these are gonna be the bestest UFC fighters anyway.
To be fair, at least the UFC card still exists, which may not be the case much longer for the Freedom 250 concert lineup. By the time you read this, it might just be Vanilla Ice on repeat at the Great American State Fair.
Well, unless someone hits up Kid Rock. Couldn’t Mr. Rock, full of largesse in giving troops who were born years after his last hit some free tickets in order to prop up his failing tour, maybe pick up the tab for some of them to come to D.C.?
Here’s hoping this year’s birthday shindig will be as riveting as last year’s was for Dear Leader. Who can forget the rain-soaked, out-of-step marching and the squeaky tanks?
Trump loves military trappings, but he hates the troops. This sort of shabby treatment is really no surprise. Fingers crossed that the hot young rich Army guys just stay home.
We need a little geographic diversity, apparently.
“Commands are encouraged to identify and nominate personnel from installations and units outside the NCR (note: travel costs cannot be covered),” the memo said.
“NCR” is the national capital region—aka the Washington, D.C., area. So, commands need to identify only the height-weight proportionate types and make sure they come from all over to witness the spectacle—but they have to pay their own way.
