Cat's in the Bag.....
Aug. 26th, 2004 12:25 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
disneydream06This is a very funny story. Yet another one from my friend, Jim. It's a little long so I will cut it. :)
Clutching their Dillard's shopping bags, Ellen and Kay woefully gazed down
at a dead cat in the mall parking lot. Obviously a recent hit---no flies, no
smell.
"What business could that poor kitty have had here?" murmured Ellen.
"Come on, Ellen, let's just go..."
But Ellen had already grabbed her shopping bag and was explaining,"I'll just
put my things in your bag, and then I'll take the tissue." She dumped her
purchases into Kay's bag and then used the tissue paper to cradle and lower
the former feline into her own Dillard's bag and cover it.
They continued the short trek to the car in silence, stashing their goods in
the trunk. But it occurred to both of them that if they left Ellen's burial
bag in the trunk, warmed by the Texas sunshine while they ate, Kay's Lumina
would soon lose that new-car smell. They decided to leave the bag on top of
the trunk, and they headed over to Luby's Cafeteria.
After they cleared the serving line and sat down at a window table, they had
a view of Kay's Chevy with the Dillard's bag still on the trunk.
BUT not for long. As they ate, they noticed a black-haired woman in a red
gingham shirt stroll by their car, look quickly this way and that, and then
hook the Dillard's bag without breaking stride. She quickly walked out of
their line of vision. Kay and Ellen shot each other a wide-eyed look of
amazement. It all happened so fast that neither of them could think how to
respond.
"Can you imagine?" finally sputtered Ellen. "The nerve of that woman!"
Kay sympathized with Ellen, but inwardly a laugh was building as she thought
about the grand surprise awaiting the red-gingham thief.
Just when she thought she'd have to giggle into her napkin, she noticed
Ellen's eyes freeze in the direction of the serving line. Following her
gaze, Kay recognized with a shock the black-haired woman with the Dillard's
bag, THE Dillard's bag, hanging from her arm, brazenly pushing her tray
toward the cashier.
Helplessly they watched the scene unfold: After clearing the register, the
woman settled at a table across from theirs, put the bag on an empty chair
and began to eat. After a few bites of baked whitefish and green beans, she
casually lifted the bag into her lap to survey her treasure.
Looking from side to side, but not far enough to notice her rapt audience
three tables over, she pulled out the tissue paper and peered into the bag.
Her eyes widened, and she began to make a sort of gasping noise.
The noise grew. The bag slid from her lap as she sank to the floor, wheezing
and clutching her upper chest. The beverage cart attendant quickly
recognized a customer in trouble and sent the busboy to call 911, while she
administered the Heimlich maneuver. A crowd quickly gathered that did not
include Ellen and Kay, who remained riveted to their chairs for seven whole
minutes until the ambulance arrived. In a matter of minutes the curly-haired
woman emerged from the crowd, still gasping, strapped securely on a gurney.
Two well-trained EMS volunteers steered her to the waiting ambulance, while
a third scooped up her belongings.
The last they saw of the distressed cat-burglar, she disappeared behind the
ambulance doors, the Dillard's bag perched on her stomach.
Clutching their Dillard's shopping bags, Ellen and Kay woefully gazed down
at a dead cat in the mall parking lot. Obviously a recent hit---no flies, no
smell.
"What business could that poor kitty have had here?" murmured Ellen.
"Come on, Ellen, let's just go..."
But Ellen had already grabbed her shopping bag and was explaining,"I'll just
put my things in your bag, and then I'll take the tissue." She dumped her
purchases into Kay's bag and then used the tissue paper to cradle and lower
the former feline into her own Dillard's bag and cover it.
They continued the short trek to the car in silence, stashing their goods in
the trunk. But it occurred to both of them that if they left Ellen's burial
bag in the trunk, warmed by the Texas sunshine while they ate, Kay's Lumina
would soon lose that new-car smell. They decided to leave the bag on top of
the trunk, and they headed over to Luby's Cafeteria.
After they cleared the serving line and sat down at a window table, they had
a view of Kay's Chevy with the Dillard's bag still on the trunk.
BUT not for long. As they ate, they noticed a black-haired woman in a red
gingham shirt stroll by their car, look quickly this way and that, and then
hook the Dillard's bag without breaking stride. She quickly walked out of
their line of vision. Kay and Ellen shot each other a wide-eyed look of
amazement. It all happened so fast that neither of them could think how to
respond.
"Can you imagine?" finally sputtered Ellen. "The nerve of that woman!"
Kay sympathized with Ellen, but inwardly a laugh was building as she thought
about the grand surprise awaiting the red-gingham thief.
Just when she thought she'd have to giggle into her napkin, she noticed
Ellen's eyes freeze in the direction of the serving line. Following her
gaze, Kay recognized with a shock the black-haired woman with the Dillard's
bag, THE Dillard's bag, hanging from her arm, brazenly pushing her tray
toward the cashier.
Helplessly they watched the scene unfold: After clearing the register, the
woman settled at a table across from theirs, put the bag on an empty chair
and began to eat. After a few bites of baked whitefish and green beans, she
casually lifted the bag into her lap to survey her treasure.
Looking from side to side, but not far enough to notice her rapt audience
three tables over, she pulled out the tissue paper and peered into the bag.
Her eyes widened, and she began to make a sort of gasping noise.
The noise grew. The bag slid from her lap as she sank to the floor, wheezing
and clutching her upper chest. The beverage cart attendant quickly
recognized a customer in trouble and sent the busboy to call 911, while she
administered the Heimlich maneuver. A crowd quickly gathered that did not
include Ellen and Kay, who remained riveted to their chairs for seven whole
minutes until the ambulance arrived. In a matter of minutes the curly-haired
woman emerged from the crowd, still gasping, strapped securely on a gurney.
Two well-trained EMS volunteers steered her to the waiting ambulance, while
a third scooped up her belongings.
The last they saw of the distressed cat-burglar, she disappeared behind the
ambulance doors, the Dillard's bag perched on her stomach.
