I Think I Have Been To This Party.....
Dec. 27th, 2003 08:23 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
disneydream06I stole this from my friend ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sheeppainter. Thank you...
MEMO
Subject: CHRISTMAS PARTY!
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 01, 2003
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room
at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!
We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to
sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as
Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of
gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift
should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for!
everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO
will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty
=============================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 02, 2003
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday,
which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this
year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The
same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or
those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no
Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other
types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty
=======================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 03, 2003
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm
happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table
that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I
supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
Forget about the gifts exchange; no gifts are allowed since the
union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives
believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
=========================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: December 04, 2003
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins
the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking
during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can
appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate
our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off
on serving your meal until the end of the party, or else package
everything for you to take home in little foil doggy baggies. Will
that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit
farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the
table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each
other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have
their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay
men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no
cross-dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats for short
people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We
cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people
with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits
as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar"
desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
=======================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Fucking Employees
DATE: December 05, 2003
RE: The Fucking Holiday Party
Vegetarian pricks, I've had it with you people!!! We're going to
keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so
you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "Grill of Death,"
as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your fucking salad bar,
including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings,
too. THEY SCREAM WHEN YOU SLICE THEM! I've heard them SCREAM!!! I'm
hearing them scream right NOW!!!
I hope you all have a rotten holiday! DRIVE DRUNK AND DIE!!!!!!
The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!
=======================================
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 08, 2003
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy
recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the
sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our
Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with
full pay.
Happy Holidays!
sheeppainter. Thank you...MEMO
Subject: CHRISTMAS PARTY!
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 01, 2003
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room
at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!
We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to
sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as
Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of
gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift
should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for!
everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO
will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty
=============================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 02, 2003
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday,
which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this
year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The
same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or
those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no
Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other
types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty
=======================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 03, 2003
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm
happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table
that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I
supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
Forget about the gifts exchange; no gifts are allowed since the
union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives
believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
=========================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: December 04, 2003
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins
the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking
during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can
appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate
our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off
on serving your meal until the end of the party, or else package
everything for you to take home in little foil doggy baggies. Will
that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit
farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the
table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each
other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have
their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay
men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no
cross-dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats for short
people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We
cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people
with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits
as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar"
desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
=======================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Fucking Employees
DATE: December 05, 2003
RE: The Fucking Holiday Party
Vegetarian pricks, I've had it with you people!!! We're going to
keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so
you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "Grill of Death,"
as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your fucking salad bar,
including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings,
too. THEY SCREAM WHEN YOU SLICE THEM! I've heard them SCREAM!!! I'm
hearing them scream right NOW!!!
I hope you all have a rotten holiday! DRIVE DRUNK AND DIE!!!!!!
The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!
=======================================
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 08, 2003
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy
recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the
sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our
Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with
full pay.
Happy Holidays!
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no subject
Date: 2003-12-27 08:57 am (UTC)