Apr. 8th, 2009

disneydream06: (Muppet Beeker)
I got these from my friend, Mary, aka [livejournal.com profile] seadolphin. They are just too funny not to share...


1. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.

2. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

3. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

8. IF A DEAF PERSON SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"

12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

15. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?

16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

19. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

20. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

21. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

22. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

23. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

24. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

25. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD LISP TO HAVE "S" IN IT?

26. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED HEMORRHOIDS INSTEAD OF ASSTEROIDS?

27. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

28. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

29. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?
disneydream06: (Yellowstone)
[Error: unknown template qotd]

I would name it Pluto II, because the original Pluto should never have lost it's planet status. :o
disneydream06: (SGAtlantis)
You have to love the "Love" that comes from Religion...........


In addition to policing gender expression, Southwestern explicitly states that "homosexuality and lesbianism may incur a fine from $50 up to $250 and could result in an appearance before the Student Conduct Committee and possible termination from the university." (These regulations can be found under the Residential Life section of their website.) The school is also home to Cutting Edge, a student organization that declares itself "a ministry to the homosexuals." Even still, leaders at Southwestern decided that there was no room for us or for dialogue about their beliefs and practices. In fact, they chose to preclude our voices altogether. We were directed to an empty parking lot where a small group of representatives greeted us briefly and explained that they were the extent of our welcome.

Profile

disneydream06: (Default)
disneydream06

October 2017

S M T W T F S
1 23 4 5 6 7
8 9 10 11 121314
15 16 1718 1920 21
22232425262728
293031    

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Oct. 22nd, 2017 06:08 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios